Divas Command

I woke up early this morning crying. It was a lot earlier than I planned to wake up and it was definitely not the way I wanted to wake up. I know my life is abundantly blessed. I have family, friends, ministry (ies). I have enough financial stability to have the things I need (and quite a few of the things I want). But I'm not fulfilled. (I wonder if this is how he feels. No, not him but him - my (future) husband. I don't know if they are one in the same at this point. Does he miss his rib as much as I miss him?) I feel guilty because I am so blessed yet it's as if I'm saying, "Sorry God, it's not enough. I need him, too." Is that unreasonable? Is that selfish? Am I being spoiled?

I really want to be like the woman in the picture. She's confident. She's capable in her own right. She's strong. Strong enough to know that she can hold her head up high, face anyone and be confident in what she portrays and what they see. Strong enough to admit her heart needs filling. I want to have enough strength of purpose to hold my heart out and up for him to take. And strong enough to continue holding it out when no one wants it.

It's Thanksgiving evening and I'm back home after spending the afternoon with "family." As usual I went to my God-parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner. Momma and Pappa aren't really my God-parents. They are a couple from church who have adopted me. They treat me like a daughter. They are also a great role model for me when it comes to marriage. I have so much respect for their relationship (and I get to see it in all it's phases) and I hope to one day be blessed with a union like theirs. I believe God gave them to me so they are in the truest sense of the word, my God-parents.
I started the day with a workout (yeah, I'm kinda becoming a fanatic); weights and cardio. I thought about getting in the hot tub but I didn't think I'd really have enough time. I returned from the complex workout room to my apartment and made myself breakfast; bacon, eggs with cheese, and crescent rolls. As I ate I played on the computer building my own 360 page on Yahoo. (Don't ask me why; just because I could. It's not like I need another web page.) I sent a mass text message to all my peeps wishing them a blessed Thanksgiving. Then listened to one bar of "Tipsy" repeatedly as people texted me back. After a couple of hours I began cooking my part of the Thanksgiving dinner (two different types of green beans). I piddled around the house until it was time to take a shower and wash my hair.
Now for two weeks my Momma's been telling me dinner is at 2:30. So my plan was to get dressed and leave the house at 2 pm to head over. My "parents" live exactly 30 minutes away now that they've moved into their new house. 30 minutes and 14 miles. Everything was on schedule; the beans were cooked, I was done with my hair, I was dressed and packing up to get in the car. Or so I thought. My cell phone rings. It's my Momma.
"Where are you?!"
"I'm on my way. You said 2:30."
"Oh, well... hurry up. We're waiting for you."
"Who's all there?"
"Everyone that's planned to be except you."
"Alright."
So I get there around 2:45 (Well, you knew I wasn't really gonna be on time, right?!) and everyone is eating. My momma, pappa, Mom E (momma's mother), Mr. L (Mom E's man friend), cousin Denise, and brother Andre. I put down my beans and grab a plate. We eat and watch the Broncos-Cowboys game. Everyone has seconds and the game goes into overtime.
Denise is the first to leave, followed by Mom E and Mr. L. Andre and I pack up 2-3 to go plates each (Hey, we're single! They made us take all that food.) and follow each other out, me being last. Now I'm home and contemplating meeting my "sister" at a club to start her week long birthday celebration. I probably won't go because I'm fighting to keep my eyes open as is and I don't feel like creating a club outfit for only 2 hours of exposure (that's all I can probably muster).
Tomorrow I'll put up my Christmas tree, do laundry, homework and work as well as take a nap. But tonight is the beginning of the holiday season. I love this time of year because we get almost weekly reminders of how blessed we are as we get together with family, friends, loved ones etal. I know I'm blessed. Remember the real reason for the season as you eat, shop and be merry. Be blessed!

It seems that lately a lot of people have been asking questions and/or writing pieces that have me thinking of him. The other night he and I were talking and I told him I had not written anything down about us but I feel I just might be ready to. He encouraged me to do it, get things down before I lose them. So I've gathered a few of my random thoughts/answers about him to place here. I'm feeling rather sexy (the way he always makes me feel) so be warned.

10/26/05

Q: GIB vs SAM
Is he Good In Bed or a Sorry Ass Man? If he's SAM what are you going to do to change him? If he's GIB, what are you going to do to keep him?

A: Not only is he GIB but he's a good man period. What will I do to keep him? Ironically he wants me to open up to him, trust him, and believe in us. It's easier said than done for me, but darn it, I'm gonna try!

11/5/05

Q: Verbally Arousing
Have you ever been even more turned on by the sounds of love making? The slurping, cumming, licking, sucking, skin popping sounds that you and your partner make? What sounds turns you on?

A: The sound of him dining on my juices. The sound of him breathing hard, moaning, growling. The sound of him moving in and out of my wetness and the sound of him cumming inside me.

11/5/05

Q: Women: What makes a man unforgettable? What makes his dick, loving, or just him unforgettable and you want to cook him breakfast? What makes you crave him more and more?

A: The way he touched me - mind, body and soul.
The way he made me feel loved, protected, cherished and desired.
The way he pulled and held me to his heart tightly when we met.
The way he smelled and felt and tasted.
The way he asked me to look him in the eyes while he was inside me;
And the way he held my gaze as he moved with me.
The way he held me in his arms throughout the night.
The way he met me at the door when I returned from work;
And the way he laid me down and asked me how my day went.
The way he prays for me, encourages me and supports me.
The way he wants to be the best him he can be for me.

(Email sent after our latest late night phone call)
Date: 11/17/05
To: him
From: toneec42
Subject: I want you...

I want you to know how wet, swollen and open you have me right now. I can feel the ghost of you inside me, stretching me wide, filling me up. You were right... I don't know which I like better. Short thrusts or long strokes. But I do know I love having you inside me. So stroke me, baby. Surprise me by mixing it up. Make me moan and grip you to hold you inside. Pull out and rub yourself in my wetness. Use your tip to spread it around my clit. Oooooh, yes... make me drip, daddy! Make me say your name. Then push back inside and let me hold you until you moan mine. Give yourself to me. Turn me over onto my knees. Lick me and taste us together before you re-enter your home. Push up inside me until your sac kisses my clit. Help me make it sloppy. Let's work it until our juices coat both our thighs. Then move with me again so I can be on top. I want to ride you until we both cum again. Let's make love like we want to make a baby. Cum again. Give me your seed and feel it wash back down in my juices. Mmmmmm, feel how wet, swollen and open you have me right now.

First... There was a fire in my kitchen this morning, y'all! I dropped some waffles in the toaster and went to brush my teeth. When I came back there were flames coming out of the toaster! I popped up the waffles and it was still on fire. I grabbed some tongs, threw the waffle in the sink then opened the balcony doors and brought in a fan (I so did not want the smoke detector to go off!). I guess I really didn't need the carbs.

Anyway this was a question asked in one of my online groups and I've thought about it and decided to bring it here. I'm still not sure about the ranking but these are my top 25.

25. Cordazer "Calvin" Broadus aka Snoop Dogg (just this look, though)
24. Christopher Bridges aka Ludacris
23. Eddie Spears
22. Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock
21. Keith Hamilton Cobb
20. Harold Perrineau Jr.
19. Terrence Dashon Howard
18. Dennis Haysbert
17. Chris Webber
16. Gary Dourdan
15. Andre Benjamin aka Andre3000
14. Trevor Smith Jr. aka Busta Rhymes
13. Michael Spears
12. Mekhi Pfifer
11. Antonio Banderas
10. Richard T. Jones
9. D. Christopher Judge
8. James Todd Smith aka LL Cool J
7. Dante Smith aka Mos Def
6. Omar Epps
5. Michael Ealy
4. Keanu Reeves
3. Michael Jordan
2. Tupac Shakur (Okay he's dead now but when he was alive - those eyes!)
1. Oshea Jackson aka Ice Cube

So much swirling around right now I don't know where to start. Let's see...

Pain
Michael made me scream yesterday. (Come back, Zed. Not that way.) We worked on shoulders and he kept pushing me on one exercise until I screamed. Now my left shoulder really hurts. I think I tore something.

Exhaustion
I cleaned my home office today. All friggin' day! Now I actually have to do some work and all I really want to do is lie on the futon.

Relief
At least a little. I finally got one of the three consulting fees I was owed. Just in time to stop me from hollering at someone. Now the other two should be here within the week or I'm still going to holler!

Anxious
I really, really, really want to buy a home! I want to own my own home and be able to decorate and do whatever I want in it. My goal is to buy something mid/late next year but I might go looking tomorrow after church.

Swamped
I have so much homework and work to do it's not even funny. I've got about 5 books to read, 10 articles, projects to plan, work for my students to plan, emails to right (and write), professional development to plan and prepare for... the list goes on. Yet here I am writing in my blog and watching Trading Spaces. (Which is probably why I want to buy a home. Hmmm...)

Excited
The new Harry Potter movie opens November 18th! That's Friday! I shall be there on Friday! (Shut up! I am not a geek!)

Horny
I really want to kiss a man right now. I'm craving it like I crave licorice. My lips, my tongue... I can almost taste him. Whew! Where's a man when you need him?!

Creative
I want to do something creative - knitting, take photographs, painting, writing, singing, sewing, cooking, decorating. Something... but I can't I've got too much work.

Restless
I want to go somewhere. Greece, the Caribbean, Spain, Egypt... somewhere. But I can't; I've got too much work to do.

Guilty
I spoke with the "Ex" last night. He's depressed and saying he has nothing to look forward to when he's released in late January/early February because we're not together anymore. I tried to get him to think about his kids, the business he wants to start as things to look forward to but he's says it doesn't matter if he doesn't have his woman to share it with.

Joy
God is blessing me right now! So much so I was able to bless someone else when they needed it. Thank you, Jesus!

Pumped!
Tomorrow is the first game between the Raiders and the Broncos. Me and my local Raider Nation are gearing up here in Bronco Country. Just got the latest text from my dude Robbie - he was supposed to go to the game in Oakland but didn't make it. So now we're making plans to watch it together amidst the Bronco fans. Might end up fightin' but we're (Raiders) gonna send them (Broncos) back home hurtin'! Black and Silver, Babee! (That's probably why Michael hurt me yesterday; he's a die-hard Bronco fan.)

Lonely
I miss him so much. I would love to just rest in his arms right now. Smell his scent. Feel his presence near me.

Just for fun... tell me, do you see any common themes?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	7.4
Mind:	7.9
Body:	7
Spirit:	8.3
Friends/Family:	4.6
Love:	4.3
Finance:	7.8
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Which book of the Bible are you?
You are Proverbs.
Everyone has a secret ability. What is yours?

Spirit Sight is your secret ability.
You see things not many people see, and you never take anything for granted. You are the kind of person who prefers to be alone. Not many people take you seriously whenever you claim to see things that many do not. However, it is the things you see that make an impact on both your life and the lives around you. Everywhere you look, you see the spirits of the dead and the spirits of the earth trying to guide, manipulate and protect the people you are surrounded by. Whenever something happens, you know that the spirits are involved. It's just that no one believes you. However, there are a few people that take you seriously, and it is this small but close-knit group of friends you are most loyal to. They believe in you and you do them.

What Matrix Persona Are You?

You are Morpheus from "The Matrix."
You have strong faith in yourself and those around you. A true leader, you are relentless in your pursuit.

Which female R&B artist are you?

BEYONCE: Family and love. You treasure both as much as you do your Popeye's fried chicken. You are blessed with many talents and are not afraid to utilize them. You are an emotional person, falling into love dangerously. But you are truly Bonnie to your man's Clyde and are down enough to watch a basketball game with him. Your girls love your playful personality and know that whatever happens, you got their back.

What Color Best Represents Your Personality?

You are Purple.

Purple is the color of royalty, spirituality and wisdom. In tune with yourself, others and surroundings makes for a good thinker. Just be careful not to let it go to your head.

What superhero are you?

HOLY SMOKES BATGIRL! You're one crazy dame. You're a ball of fire, you really know how to turn up the heat while looking good in a cowl. You're not only intelligent, but know your way around computers and all that fun stuff!

What XMen Evolution character are you most like?
You are Rogue! You can't touch people for fear of killing them or injuring them permently, which makes you lonely and insecure. You long for an intimate relationship, but your powers stop you. You like to horseback ride and cook.

The Ultimate Anne Rice Vampire Character Selection - Maharet


What Star Wars Character are you similar to?

You are most like Leia Organa. You are a good strategist, and you always think before you act. You may look weak, but you're actually very tough.

What prophet from the Bible would you have most likely been?
ELIJAH. His name means "My God is Yahweh(Jehovah)."
He was a man of great sacrifice, and true bravery. Elijah challenged 450 priests of Baal, and stood alone against them all. He was a man who gave everything to anyone with need, and didn't ask anything for himself.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

How Do People See You?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

The Three Question Personality Test

Your Personality Is

Artisan (SP) You are both grounded and flexible. You adapt well to new situations. You are playful and free spirited - but you are also dependable and never flaky. You don't do well in conservative, stuffy situations. It's probably very hard for you to keep a normal job or stay in school. You are always up for fun and adventure. Most people are too boring for you. You take risks and bend the rules. And if things don't work out, you chock it up to life experience. In love, you tend to take things quickly - but you have a huge problem with commitment. At work, you need to make your own rules. You're best suited to be an entrepreneur. With others, you are animated and physical. You prefer doing something with friends to just hanging out. As far as your looks go, you tend to be buff and in good shape. Your spend more time on your body than your clothes. On weekends, you need to keep active. From cooking up a storm to running a 5K, you wear yourself out.

What Age Do You Act?

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What's Your Pizza Personality?

Veggie Pizza

Upscale and trendy. You're the most likely to go for a gourmet pizza. You have impeccable taste in everything. You truly enjoy the finer things in life.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Birthdate: October 24

You understand people well and are a natural born therapist. A peacemaker, people always seem to get along when you are around. You tend to be a father or mother figure to friends, even to those older than you. You enjoy your role, and you find that you are close to many people. Your strength: Your devotion Your weakness: Reliance on others for happiness Your power color: Lilac Your power symbol: Heart Your power month: June

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance. You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

Your Seduction Style: Sweet Talker

Your seduction technique can be summed up with "charm" You know that if you have the chance to talk to someone... Well, you won't be talking for long! ;-) You're great at telling potential lovers what they want to hear. Partially, because you're a great reflective listener and good at complementing. The other part of your formula? Focusing your conversation completely on the other person. Your "sweet talking" ways have taken you far in romance - and in life. You can finess your way through any difficult situation, with a smile on your face. Speeding tickets, job interviews... bring it on! You truly live a *charmed life*

How Are You In Love?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to take more than give in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

What Mixed Drink Are You?

You Are a Mai Tai

You aren't a big drinker, but you'll drink if the atmosphere is festive. And when you're drunk, watch out! You're easily carried away.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Personality Profile

You are elegant, withdrawn, and brilliant. Your mind is a weapon, able to solve any puzzle. You are also great at poking holes in arguments and common beliefs. For you, comfort and calm are very important. You tend to thrive on your own and shrug off most affection. You prefer to protect your emotions and stay strong.