Thursday, December 22, 2005 

New Year's Resolutions

I can see new hope inside of me
The Savior's love surrounds me
Praises be through all eternity
For love and grace so abounding
- Majestic Praise*
As I travel around blog-land I see a lot of people writing and/or inquiring about New Year's resolutions. I've never really set any resolutions at the end of the year - not that there's anything wrong with that. Maybe it's because I set and re-evaluate my personal goals whenever I feel it necessary. As the year closes I like to reflect back on how it went and I pray that in the coming year I will grow in all aspects of my life - relationships (agape & philios), wisdom & understanding, spirituality & faith, strength & courage, discernment, just to name a few. Today, in one of my online groups, a member (ablkbrotha) posted the following questions. I thought they were good end of year/new year reflections and I'd like to see what y'all are thinking...
1. What one word describes who you were to someone else in 2005? Example: someone may see you as loving, or faithful or as a friend or as trifling!
2. Describe what was the funniest experience you had in 2005.
3. Describe the best kiss you were given in 2005.
4. Describe the greatest sexual encounter you had in 2005. Provide specific details.
5. Share one of your biggest accomplishments of 2005.
6. List your greatest flirtatious action(s) in 2005.
7. Describe an instance when you let your guard down in 2005 and were disappointed.
8. List one of your biggest mistakes in 2005.
9. What was your greatest lesson learned in 2005?
10. Based upon your 2005 experiences, what one word would you like to use describe yourself in 2006?
*NOTE: This is my church's mass choir. This song appears on our newly released CD "Hallelujah Anyhow!" It is the second CD we've released this month. (The first is "Too Hot to Handel-The Gospel Messiah.")

Wednesday, December 21, 2005 

Secret Mission #5623

Little darling / Gotta go now / Don't worry u'll be just fine / When it comes 2 good luck / I just know, i just know u'll always be the first in line / Nobody'll ever love u as much as i do / That doesn't mean other people won't love u 2 / Don't talk 2 strangers / Don't forget 2 say your prayers at night / Remember God He made u / And one day He'll make everything alright / Don't cross on yellow / U always got to wait 4 a green light / Remember God He made u / And one day He'll make things alright
- Prince
This is a tag of sorts. It's been a loooonng minute since I've filed a mission report, mostly because I've been wallowing in negativity, self-pity, depression and fatigue, but RGB asked "How far do I have to dig back to find out what happened with/to him? Or is it a sensitive topic? Sounds like he left quite an impression..." That got me to thinking, "Yeah, what is/did happen with him?"
Let's look at the facts...
1. We were not/are not in romantic relationship.
2. We are friends; close friends (No Zed, not "with benefits"!)
3. There is a major attraction there - if you haven't figured it out yet.
4. We live 1000 miles away from each other.
5. I would like to be in a romantic relationship with him.
6. He does not feel he is/has who/what I deserve yet.
7. I totally disagree with him.
8. We frequently argue about it.
9. But I can't change his mind.
10. He says he's working on it and when he believes he's ready, he's coming for me.
11. We did spend one glorious weekend together in a neutral city.
12. I really want to visit him.
13. He says he's going to visit me as soon as possible.
14. He is one of my best friends.
15. We separated for awhile. (Didn't speak.)
16. He was struggling with family, job, financial issues; his own depressive state.
17. He's too proud to reach out for help.
18. I missed him terribly.
19. I was hurt and angry that he didn't reach out to me. (I knew something was wrong.)
20. I was too proud to continue trying to reach him.
21. I started listening to the deceiver and fell into an awful depression.
22. He finally reached out.
23. I yelled at him for being so dayum proud.
24. He took it.
25. We talked for over 4 hours.
26. We both aired our grievances, our desires, our fears.
27. We encouraged each other.
28. We shared scripture and prayer.
29. We laughed.
30. We said "I love you."
So now I feel better. I am ecstatic to have my friend back. I am mourning the "loss" (for now) of our romantic possibility. I am trying to understand what God "sees." I am operating in faith that His plan is intact. I am trying to stay open to His direction. I am reluctantly dating someone else. (Well not "reluctantly" dating, but my heart's not completely in it. He's a good guy, we have fun but... he's not him.)

Thursday, December 08, 2005 

Smile through the Tears

What's up? I'm hangin'... slowly coming out of the fog. Actually I've been given exactly a week and a half (as of last Tuesday) to make it through then I got some 'splaining to du Luuucy! according to my bestest friend (thanks guys for checking in on me... daily). But even though my heart is heavy and my soul is tired, there have been some things that have made me smile. Here's one distraction I received the other day. Let’s see how many you can figure out. Submit your guesses; I’ll post the answers later.

Name that Christmas Carol (word play)
1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time 2400 hours – Weather Cloudless
6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad
11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle
16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Proboscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for the Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals


Update 12/19/05: The Answers
1. White Christmas
2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3. All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
4. O Holy Night
5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
6. Oh Come All Ye Faithful
7. Away In a Manger
8. Deck The Halls
9. Little Drummer Boy (my favorite)
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let It Snow
15. Go Tell It On the Mountain
16. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer
17. Who is this Child?
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark the Herald Angels
20. The 12 Days of Christmas

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