Guest Appearance VI
How could it be
That you know me
My deepest fears
My fantasies
Confide in you
What no one knows
But it feels so good
That you know me
My deepest fears
My fantasies
Confide in you
What no one knows
But it feels so good
- Janet
Okay, so I lied. I'm sorry Zed. Please forgive me. I said I was back; meaning I'd be back to blogging regularly. Well, life comes at you and you just... well, you just survive. I have been so busy with getting my daughter off to college, buying a new house, moving into said house, starting the new school year at work, counseling him and sleeping (for short bursts of time).
But today I was catching up on the 500+ emails in my yahoo account and I came across this piece written by an online colleague. I think I may have posted his work before but this just touched me on so many levels I had to share it. I hope you enjoy it, too. I'd love to have a dialogue about it and hear your thoughts.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sweet.
3:00am
Dear U,
How are you doing? Hope that everything is well with you. I really don't know why we start letters off like this. But I've been doing it since the 4th grade so I guess I'll continue.
Well, I guess I will start this letter off with a question. Have you ever reached a point in time, when time didn't even matter? When you just wanted to hold time and control time and let time slip away into the future? But there is always an unexpected interruption of time; when decisions have to be made and feelings have to be shared.
There is always that point where you contemplate the seriousness of a matter. And the fact of the matter is, facts don't matter when you are really, really, really feeling someone.
You know that facts are what make up my being and it's a fact that who I am, is just who I am. And how I used to be, is and always will be buried underneath all that I have become. And I am kind of proud of what I have become, because becoming what I have become doesn't come easy and that's becoming a man.
Now don't get me wrong. Done some things, said some things, went through some things, that I really wasn't proud of. But I still wouldn't trade them in for the world because what you see standing before you now is nothing short of a miracle. And this here, this is more than just lyrical logistics and spiritual commitments towards the greater good. This here... this is me.
I mean, I can play silly relationship games with the best of them. I can act like you really don't mean anything to me. But as soon as you get off the phone with me, I start to feel lonely and incomplete. Feeling an emptiness right here because the phone is not near my ear and I can't act like I don't care because I do.
I can act like who I really am, is not who I really am, play the role like some others do, get what I want from you and then be like "Oh, by the way..." and proceed to fill your ears with things about me that might seem to be a little shocking.
Hold on someone is knocking. Who is it?
Oh, that's just my conscience. Kind of reluctant to let him in though because I know what he's going to say. He is going to say "Man, the day you chose to reveal your heart was the start of the completion of a love song." A love song with a long, long, 16 bars. So long that 2:00 am has slipped passed me like a thief on a mission. So long that sleep invades your privacy and you softly say to me, "Reggie I am sleepy." And I let you go to sleep but I don't let you go because there is still something about the whisper in your voice when you said it. Now that's deep, the surprise in your eyes when you learned what you learned about me and now I am concerned about me because I just don't know, and no one enjoys not knowing.
I don't know whether or not you are going to say the same things you said yesterday. I don't know if you are going to feel the same way that you felt yesterday. Hell I don't even know if you want to forget about yesterday and move on to today to a better place, a place with out me being there. And I can't say that I don't care but I gotta be aware. It's not what I think, it's about how you feel and that's real.
So now I end the way that I started, with a question, what's next? And I have no regrets and I may never forget, but this is life. And life plus mama equals me being a man. So I gotta be a man about this situation, can't take back certain conversations. Don't think you ever thought that you would have to add this into the equation and for that I am sorry.
And I am writing you this letter to let you know that I understand where you stand even if you decide to stand far, far away. Oh, and just so you know, apologies are not needed, and explanations are not considered necessary.
So take this letter and digest this letter, dissect this letter, relive this letter and when I feel like I can be a tad bit better than what I am now, then I'll look you up. And when I do, I'll hope that you will be doing well. But no matter how well you be, you would have always been better if you would have only decided to be with me.
Thanks for your time
Yours truly,
PoeticMindz……….
