Divas Command: July 2006

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Inspirational Moment

I am a boisterous river
I am a mountain story
I am a quiet feeling
I am a fragrant flower
I am a moonlit evening
I am a peaceful night
I am a writer’s thinking
I am a wealth unfathomed
And if you don’t recognize my presence
I am here
And if you don’t recognize me
I am here
I am a source of power
I am excited journey
I am a rock of patience
I am a whisper singing
I am unbridled freedom
I am the thoughtful thinking
I am love un-shattered
I am the great orgasm
And even if you don’t recognize me
I ‘m still here
And even if you don’t recognize me
I am still here
Even if you don't recognize me

I’m here
I’m here
I’m here

- Jill Scott

I Am A Kept Woman

You see there were a few times when I thought I would lose my mind, but GOD kept me sane.
(Isaiah 26:3)

There were times when I thought I could go no longer, but the LORD kept me moving.
(Genesis 28:15)

At times, I've wanted to lash out at those whom I felt had done me wrong, but the LORD kept my mouth shut.
(Psalm 13)

Sometimes, I think the money just isn't enough, but GOD has helped me to keep the lights on, the water on, the car paid, the house paid,etc…
(Matthew 6:25-34)

When I thought I would fall, HE kept me up. When I thought I was weak, HE kept me strong!
(I Peter 5:7, Matthew 11:28-30)
I could go on and on and on, but I'm sure you hear me! Praise the Lord and pass the filet mignon! I'm blessed to be "KEPT."

11:26 AM | Permalink |

Catching My Breath - Part III

Baby, baby
Baby don't leave me
Ooh, please don't leave me
All by myself

I've got this burning, burning
Yearning feelin' inside me
Ooh, deep inside me
And it hurts so bad
- The Supremes

This post is about my romantic life... (Don't blink, you might miss it.)

I told you not to blink!

10:35 AM | Permalink |

Friday, July 14, 2006

Catching My Breath - Part II

To watch you fly away

like doves do

and crush me

i need you

this air i breathe

like the trees and leaves

we go together like hand in glove

so don't pretend

that love ain't closing in

that i don't recognize

that you don't realize

that we're drawn to (drawn to) one another

friends or lovers

[guy] gotta choose right now

-Raheem DeVaughn

Continuing with home...

I am a new, first time home owner! Well, I'm about to be. I just signed my mortgage papers on a new townhouse. It's currently being built and my walk through date is the 7th; closing is the 14th.

I decided when I was having my taxes done for last year, that I would buy a home this year. As my tax accountant said, "Gurl, you either need to have a baby or buy a house. The government is LOVIN' you!" And she's right. Uncle Sam is/has been loving me. I'm single, no kids, no house, therefore no tax write-offs. Yeah, he's been licking his chops over my tax bill for awhile. And I could just kick myself for not doing this sooner.

See when I first graduated from college a friend told me to buy a house then. At that time housing was cheap in Denver. I could have purchased a brick, Victorian, turn of the century goldmine in a downtown, historically Black neighborhood for about what I'm paying for my townhouse in suburbia. But no, I was hard-headed. I wasn't planning to stay here more than a couple of years before going to film school in NYC or LA. I didn't want the hassle of trying to sell and I didn't want to be a landlord renting a property 50-11 miles away. Yeah, kicking myself right about now.

But even though it's in suburbia (I'm am so NOT a suburban girl - I need urban activity read "hood") and it's not a brick, Victorian I am excited about my new home. It's mine! No one will have lived there before me! All mine! Just me! And - here's the best part - I get to decorate it. Paint, window treatments, furniture, closet and pantry organizers (it's a fetish - just go with it), linens... etc.

I am a little sad that I will be alone in it. My daughter will be living on campus and he and I are no longer a possibility. When I was looking at places, I looked at things big enough for all three of us. But, guess what? I get to run around naked, NEKKID!, in my new home!! In about a month, that is...

2:47 PM | Permalink |

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Commercial Break

I want somebody who cares

For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who'll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
- Depeche Mode

Okay this is a break from my "catch you up blogs" to share the adventures of my recent vacation. I just got back from five days in Jamaica y'all! It was amazing and fun. I went with friends for a wedding. Actually it was a renewal of vows since the couple actually made it legal back in November before moving into their newly built house. (Gon' girl for sticking to your ideals!)

I was the maid of honor. And I tell you that's the way to do a wedding. The bride called and made the reservations with the resort. When we got there we met with the coordinator all of 10 minutes in her office, then she showed us the two possible sites, we picked one and were told to show up 5 minutes before the scheduled time. What?! That's all I gotta do? Tell you what type of bouquet I want, pick a spot and show up 5 minutes prior? Oh, hecks yeah! That's my kinda wedding!

So the rest of the time we spent relaxing, partying, laughing and basking in the island sun and hospitality. Oh and looking at the sights. Man, were there some sights! Did I mention we stayed at Hedonism II?

The happy couple

The wedding party

Ladies' Toast!

Ooo, look what I found! Can I keep him?!

Oh, and this one too!

Hey, I found another one!

Must be my lucky day cuz here's another one!

Anywho... check this link to see more photos of our adventure. I'm still adding so the album will grow.

10:02 PM | Permalink |

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Catching My Breath - Part I

God's gonna heal you everywhere you hurt
you've done all you can so just watch Him work
His wonders
see this one that is mystical sweetness
folks stick around as we watch Him
complete this thing He has done in you and in me
cast your cares upon the sea of tranquility
which by the way you know He would never let you drown in
so why do we die on the beach
when
love abounds in ways untold
people watch their dreams unfold
every day in the blink of an eye
slight of hand
trust me y'all when i say God is the man
He can
and most definitely will
rest your soul
truth be told
let Him have control
see His eye is always on you
and still He keeps the sparrow
even though life isn't easy
- Kem

Whew! What it do people?! Yeah, yeah, yeah it's been a minute. I hope y'all are still watching. A sista had mad upheaval going on and could barely breathe let alone write it all down. I tried - honest I did! But it just kept coming. The good, the bad, the indifferent. So let's see if we can play catch up and sort some of this out.

If I had to compartmentalize my life I'd break it into four parts. Home, church, work and romance. See some would say God, family, work and "you fill in the blank" but for me the first two are intertwined throughout my life (especially the first) so when I look at my world it's kinda in the former categories. Let's start with home...

Back in February God blessed my with a daughter. It was unconventional but, hey, that's my God - He does it like that sometimes. Since then things have been up and down. At that time her parents signed a voluntary consent to let her stay with me. She lived with me until 23 days before her 18th birthday.

In late March she had corrective eye surgery. It had already been planned prior to the the incident so we (she, her parents and I) continued on with it. I took her to the hospital and her mother was supposed to meet us there and go with her to prep for surgery. Well, her mother was late. (We later found out it was because the father demanded she go to the store, buy specific food and make him breakfast before she could go to the hospital.) So I signed her in, helped her get ready, and did the pre-surgery meeting with the medical staff. Moments before they wheeled her back, her mother showed up. At that point I left to go to work and told her I'd be back when she was done to take her home. She was nervous about my leaving but I reassured her I'd be back and left her in her mother's care. (Prior to the surgery her mother had asked her to come home to recouperate afterward but she didn't want to be in the house again at all, let alone blind and helpless. She was terrified the hospital would make her go home with her parents.)

I returned before she was out of surgery but I waited in the waiting room. When she began regaining conscienciousness she freaked out because she heard her father's voice and started calling for me. This upset her mother because she wasn't calling for her. Her mother came out to get me and was hysterical about it. I had to go and calm my daughter down and then try to reassure the mother she didn't hate her. The mother kept saying "I'm her mother. Why is she calling for you?" (A hard thing to do but I said it anyway.) Eventually we left the hospital and I took her home.

I relate all this so you understand what happened that weekend. So we're home Saturday night, two days after her eye surgery. She's laying in her room, eyes covered, in the dark, listening to the TV. I'm in my room doing some work on the computer and talking on the phone. when I get a call from downstairs saying it's the police and he'd like to come up. I buzz him in. Yep you guessed it - her parents brought the police to my house to collect her! What the hell!?

They must have told the cop some outrageous story because he walks into my place, hand on his gun looking around like he expected a wild party of gang bangers smoking and drinking while watching women dance on poles or something. What he found was a quiet, darkened front of the apartment and us in pajamas. So anyway, he says the parents have revoked their permission for her to stay and she needs to go home. He asks where she is and I take him to her room.

She comes into the living room to face her parents shaking. When the officer tells her she has to get her things and go home with them, she becomes hysterical. She's crying and can't see (remember eye surgery), pleading with him and them to let her stay. Then she starts pleading with the officer to take her to social services just don't make her go home with them. She even asks why they are making her go when she's only got 23 days until she's 18. To this the mother says, "You're right and for the next 23 days I will be your mother."

I'm thinking... "Ooooohhhhh, so that's your ish. You mad cuz she called for another woman when she was in pain and confused and you wanna prove you're her mother?" "Well, dayum why haven't you been her 'mother' for the past 17+ years when she was getting her ass beat by yo husband?" "Why you haven't been the 'mother' and gotten all three of your kids away from a controlling, egomanical, abusive, lazy, good-for-nothing man?" "Why weren't you the 'mother' who took her oldest child away the first time her husband beat him, instead of allowing him to beat him for 23 years?" "Why weren't you a 'mother' and stop having kids by this man - bringing more people into the misery?"

So they leave with her and the clothes she has on. Hysterically crying, irritating her already sensitive eyes. (Yeah, that's real "mother-ly".) I don't hear from her for two days. They don't come to church the next day. They don't answer the phone (and people was blowing up the phone, cuz you know I called e'erbody I could that night to get her some help) and eventually their voicemail fills up. A couple of days later she calls to ask if she can come get some clothes. Her father brings her and she only takes enough to last two weeks.

For two weeks we keep in touch. Now she's afraid they will do something to her before her 18th birthday. (Her older brother talked about leaving the house after he turned 18 and just before his birthday, the father had him committed. He was gone for two years. He has since come back a totally withdrawn and depressed person. He is medicated and still lives at home at 23 and, according to my daughter, gets beat on a regular basis.) So she decides to runaway the weekend before her birthday. She devises a plan with friends and disappears Friday night after her shift at work. I get a call Saturday from my sista-friend saying "she's in the wind." I hear from her that Sunday afternoon to let me know she's okay.

The day of her birthday she returns to school (she'd missed two days because she was afraid they'd find her there and make her go back home) and I pick her up, take her to get her things and bring her back home with me. She's been with me ever since.

On August 11th she gets to move into her campus apartment and start her first year of college. She's currently working an intership for the summer at a local law firm. And she's getting better everyday. She's still got a long way to go, lots of trama and drama to unearth, but she'll make it. Thank God, she'll make it.

1:10 AM | Permalink |

Divas Command

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Inspirational Moment

Catching My Breath - Part III

Friday, July 14, 2006

Catching My Breath - Part II

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Commercial Break

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Catching My Breath - Part I

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