Catching My Breath - Part I
God's gonna heal you everywhere you hurt
you've done all you can so just watch Him work
His wonders
see this one that is mystical sweetness
folks stick around as we watch Him
complete this thing He has done in you and in me
cast your cares upon the sea of tranquility
which by the way you know He would never let you drown in
so why do we die on the beach
when
love abounds in ways untold
people watch their dreams unfold
every day in the blink of an eye
slight of hand
trust me y'all when i say God is the man
He can
and most definitely will
rest your soul
truth be told
let Him have control
see His eye is always on you
and still He keeps the sparrow
even though life isn't easy
- Kem
you've done all you can so just watch Him work
His wonders
see this one that is mystical sweetness
folks stick around as we watch Him
complete this thing He has done in you and in me
cast your cares upon the sea of tranquility
which by the way you know He would never let you drown in
so why do we die on the beach
when
love abounds in ways untold
people watch their dreams unfold
every day in the blink of an eye
slight of hand
trust me y'all when i say God is the man
He can
and most definitely will
rest your soul
truth be told
let Him have control
see His eye is always on you
and still He keeps the sparrow
even though life isn't easy
- Kem
Whew! What it do people?! Yeah, yeah, yeah it's been a minute. I hope y'all are still watching. A sista had mad upheaval going on and could barely breathe let alone write it all down. I tried - honest I did! But it just kept coming. The good, the bad, the indifferent. So let's see if we can play catch up and sort some of this out.
If I had to compartmentalize my life I'd break it into four parts. Home, church, work and romance. See some would say God, family, work and "you fill in the blank" but for me the first two are intertwined throughout my life (especially the first) so when I look at my world it's kinda in the former categories. Let's start with home...
Back in February God blessed my with a daughter. It was unconventional but, hey, that's my God - He does it like that sometimes. Since then things have been up and down. At that time her parents signed a voluntary consent to let her stay with me. She lived with me until 23 days before her 18th birthday.
In late March she had corrective eye surgery. It had already been planned prior to the the incident so we (she, her parents and I) continued on with it. I took her to the hospital and her mother was supposed to meet us there and go with her to prep for surgery. Well, her mother was late. (We later found out it was because the father demanded she go to the store, buy specific food and make him breakfast before she could go to the hospital.) So I signed her in, helped her get ready, and did the pre-surgery meeting with the medical staff. Moments before they wheeled her back, her mother showed up. At that point I left to go to work and told her I'd be back when she was done to take her home. She was nervous about my leaving but I reassured her I'd be back and left her in her mother's care. (Prior to the surgery her mother had asked her to come home to recouperate afterward but she didn't want to be in the house again at all, let alone blind and helpless. She was terrified the hospital would make her go home with her parents.)
I returned before she was out of surgery but I waited in the waiting room. When she began regaining conscienciousness she freaked out because she heard her father's voice and started calling for me. This upset her mother because she wasn't calling for her. Her mother came out to get me and was hysterical about it. I had to go and calm my daughter down and then try to reassure the mother she didn't hate her. The mother kept saying "I'm her mother. Why is she calling for you?" (A hard thing to do but I said it anyway.) Eventually we left the hospital and I took her home.
I relate all this so you understand what happened that weekend. So we're home Saturday night, two days after her eye surgery. She's laying in her room, eyes covered, in the dark, listening to the TV. I'm in my room doing some work on the computer and talking on the phone. when I get a call from downstairs saying it's the police and he'd like to come up. I buzz him in. Yep you guessed it - her parents brought the police to my house to collect her! What the hell!?
They must have told the cop some outrageous story because he walks into my place, hand on his gun looking around like he expected a wild party of gang bangers smoking and drinking while watching women dance on poles or something. What he found was a quiet, darkened front of the apartment and us in pajamas. So anyway, he says the parents have revoked their permission for her to stay and she needs to go home. He asks where she is and I take him to her room.
She comes into the living room to face her parents shaking. When the officer tells her she has to get her things and go home with them, she becomes hysterical. She's crying and can't see (remember eye surgery), pleading with him and them to let her stay. Then she starts pleading with the officer to take her to social services just don't make her go home with them. She even asks why they are making her go when she's only got 23 days until she's 18. To this the mother says, "You're right and for the next 23 days I will be your mother."
I'm thinking... "Ooooohhhhh, so that's your ish. You mad cuz she called for another woman when she was in pain and confused and you wanna prove you're her mother?" "Well, dayum why haven't you been her 'mother' for the past 17+ years when she was getting her ass beat by yo husband?" "Why you haven't been the 'mother' and gotten all three of your kids away from a controlling, egomanical, abusive, lazy, good-for-nothing man?" "Why weren't you the 'mother' who took her oldest child away the first time her husband beat him, instead of allowing him to beat him for 23 years?" "Why weren't you a 'mother' and stop having kids by this man - bringing more people into the misery?"
So they leave with her and the clothes she has on. Hysterically crying, irritating her already sensitive eyes. (Yeah, that's real "mother-ly".) I don't hear from her for two days. They don't come to church the next day. They don't answer the phone (and people was blowing up the phone, cuz you know I called e'erbody I could that night to get her some help) and eventually their voicemail fills up. A couple of days later she calls to ask if she can come get some clothes. Her father brings her and she only takes enough to last two weeks.
For two weeks we keep in touch. Now she's afraid they will do something to her before her 18th birthday. (Her older brother talked about leaving the house after he turned 18 and just before his birthday, the father had him committed. He was gone for two years. He has since come back a totally withdrawn and depressed person. He is medicated and still lives at home at 23 and, according to my daughter, gets beat on a regular basis.) So she decides to runaway the weekend before her birthday. She devises a plan with friends and disappears Friday night after her shift at work. I get a call Saturday from my sista-friend saying "she's in the wind." I hear from her that Sunday afternoon to let me know she's okay.
The day of her birthday she returns to school (she'd missed two days because she was afraid they'd find her there and make her go back home) and I pick her up, take her to get her things and bring her back home with me. She's been with me ever since.
On August 11th she gets to move into her campus apartment and start her first year of college. She's currently working an intership for the summer at a local law firm. And she's getting better everyday. She's still got a long way to go, lots of trama and drama to unearth, but she'll make it. Thank God, she'll make it.
If I had to compartmentalize my life I'd break it into four parts. Home, church, work and romance. See some would say God, family, work and "you fill in the blank" but for me the first two are intertwined throughout my life (especially the first) so when I look at my world it's kinda in the former categories. Let's start with home...
Back in February God blessed my with a daughter. It was unconventional but, hey, that's my God - He does it like that sometimes. Since then things have been up and down. At that time her parents signed a voluntary consent to let her stay with me. She lived with me until 23 days before her 18th birthday.
In late March she had corrective eye surgery. It had already been planned prior to the the incident so we (she, her parents and I) continued on with it. I took her to the hospital and her mother was supposed to meet us there and go with her to prep for surgery. Well, her mother was late. (We later found out it was because the father demanded she go to the store, buy specific food and make him breakfast before she could go to the hospital.) So I signed her in, helped her get ready, and did the pre-surgery meeting with the medical staff. Moments before they wheeled her back, her mother showed up. At that point I left to go to work and told her I'd be back when she was done to take her home. She was nervous about my leaving but I reassured her I'd be back and left her in her mother's care. (Prior to the surgery her mother had asked her to come home to recouperate afterward but she didn't want to be in the house again at all, let alone blind and helpless. She was terrified the hospital would make her go home with her parents.)
I returned before she was out of surgery but I waited in the waiting room. When she began regaining conscienciousness she freaked out because she heard her father's voice and started calling for me. This upset her mother because she wasn't calling for her. Her mother came out to get me and was hysterical about it. I had to go and calm my daughter down and then try to reassure the mother she didn't hate her. The mother kept saying "I'm her mother. Why is she calling for you?" (A hard thing to do but I said it anyway.) Eventually we left the hospital and I took her home.
I relate all this so you understand what happened that weekend. So we're home Saturday night, two days after her eye surgery. She's laying in her room, eyes covered, in the dark, listening to the TV. I'm in my room doing some work on the computer and talking on the phone. when I get a call from downstairs saying it's the police and he'd like to come up. I buzz him in. Yep you guessed it - her parents brought the police to my house to collect her! What the hell!?
They must have told the cop some outrageous story because he walks into my place, hand on his gun looking around like he expected a wild party of gang bangers smoking and drinking while watching women dance on poles or something. What he found was a quiet, darkened front of the apartment and us in pajamas. So anyway, he says the parents have revoked their permission for her to stay and she needs to go home. He asks where she is and I take him to her room.
She comes into the living room to face her parents shaking. When the officer tells her she has to get her things and go home with them, she becomes hysterical. She's crying and can't see (remember eye surgery), pleading with him and them to let her stay. Then she starts pleading with the officer to take her to social services just don't make her go home with them. She even asks why they are making her go when she's only got 23 days until she's 18. To this the mother says, "You're right and for the next 23 days I will be your mother."
I'm thinking... "Ooooohhhhh, so that's your ish. You mad cuz she called for another woman when she was in pain and confused and you wanna prove you're her mother?" "Well, dayum why haven't you been her 'mother' for the past 17+ years when she was getting her ass beat by yo husband?" "Why you haven't been the 'mother' and gotten all three of your kids away from a controlling, egomanical, abusive, lazy, good-for-nothing man?" "Why weren't you the 'mother' who took her oldest child away the first time her husband beat him, instead of allowing him to beat him for 23 years?" "Why weren't you a 'mother' and stop having kids by this man - bringing more people into the misery?"
So they leave with her and the clothes she has on. Hysterically crying, irritating her already sensitive eyes. (Yeah, that's real "mother-ly".) I don't hear from her for two days. They don't come to church the next day. They don't answer the phone (and people was blowing up the phone, cuz you know I called e'erbody I could that night to get her some help) and eventually their voicemail fills up. A couple of days later she calls to ask if she can come get some clothes. Her father brings her and she only takes enough to last two weeks.
For two weeks we keep in touch. Now she's afraid they will do something to her before her 18th birthday. (Her older brother talked about leaving the house after he turned 18 and just before his birthday, the father had him committed. He was gone for two years. He has since come back a totally withdrawn and depressed person. He is medicated and still lives at home at 23 and, according to my daughter, gets beat on a regular basis.) So she decides to runaway the weekend before her birthday. She devises a plan with friends and disappears Friday night after her shift at work. I get a call Saturday from my sista-friend saying "she's in the wind." I hear from her that Sunday afternoon to let me know she's okay.
The day of her birthday she returns to school (she'd missed two days because she was afraid they'd find her there and make her go back home) and I pick her up, take her to get her things and bring her back home with me. She's been with me ever since.
On August 11th she gets to move into her campus apartment and start her first year of college. She's currently working an intership for the summer at a local law firm. And she's getting better everyday. She's still got a long way to go, lots of trama and drama to unearth, but she'll make it. Thank God, she'll make it.
Damn! That whole story just exhausted me. I'm speechless. I'm just glad that your daughter has you in her life and will hopefully be able to escape this life.
KZ
Posted by
Knockout Zed |
10:36 PM, July 09, 2006
Thank the lord that there are people like you that exist in this world. I also thank him because she can see and not in the literal sense. I'm glad that you and her did what y'all did to move away from misery so y'all can push forward.
Thank you for your strength, it gave her courage and gives us all hope.
Posted by
The Brown Blogger |
3:12 AM, July 10, 2006
That was definitely touching. I am glad to see that the young lady has you in her life.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:30 PM, July 16, 2006