Lesson learned
A blog, huh? What to do in a blog? I have no delusions of being a great writer, great thinker, or great philosopher but I know I have much bottled up inside that needs to get out. But where to put it? So I'll try this thing...
I admit I've never been good at keeping a diary or journal. I've started many but find myself too nervous, too anxious to keep it up. Anxious someone will read it (so a blogger, huh?) and know... know what goes on behind my eyes... and if someone knows, then someone can hurt.
Which is probably what brings me here now... Someone knows. I let someone in and he used what he learned to hurt me. You've heard the saying, "If something seems too good to be true..." Oh but wait, I don't believe in sayings - I believe in God. I believe that everything happens within His power and that we learn from all the things He allows us to experience. If only we stop to listen to what He says to us.
So, lesson learned? We may have our lists of desires, but He knows what we need. For years I fantasized about my Adam. So God brought him to me. And I loved him but he wasn't for me. Didn't love me. Of course, it's not the whole story. Before He brought me my version of my Adam, He introduced me to His version of my Adam. He loves me and I love him. But I seriously thought about putting him aside for the other.
So, long story short I sit here now dealing with a tumult of emotions. Hurt, pain, anger, love, sadness, guilt, hope, humbleness, self-doubt, gratitude, anxiousness... and on and on.
Months ago I put a dam on my feelings by putting my pen down. Now I feel so full I'm paralyzed. Maybe this will be a new place for me to free myself again - to reclaim not who I used to be, but who He intends me to be.
I admit I've never been good at keeping a diary or journal. I've started many but find myself too nervous, too anxious to keep it up. Anxious someone will read it (so a blogger, huh?) and know... know what goes on behind my eyes... and if someone knows, then someone can hurt.
Which is probably what brings me here now... Someone knows. I let someone in and he used what he learned to hurt me. You've heard the saying, "If something seems too good to be true..." Oh but wait, I don't believe in sayings - I believe in God. I believe that everything happens within His power and that we learn from all the things He allows us to experience. If only we stop to listen to what He says to us.
So, lesson learned? We may have our lists of desires, but He knows what we need. For years I fantasized about my Adam. So God brought him to me. And I loved him but he wasn't for me. Didn't love me. Of course, it's not the whole story. Before He brought me my version of my Adam, He introduced me to His version of my Adam. He loves me and I love him. But I seriously thought about putting him aside for the other.
So, long story short I sit here now dealing with a tumult of emotions. Hurt, pain, anger, love, sadness, guilt, hope, humbleness, self-doubt, gratitude, anxiousness... and on and on.
Months ago I put a dam on my feelings by putting my pen down. Now I feel so full I'm paralyzed. Maybe this will be a new place for me to free myself again - to reclaim not who I used to be, but who He intends me to be.
